


Loud noise

by The_failure



Series: XCOM bullshittery [2]
Category: XCOM (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, I REGRET NOTHING, I didn't even proofread this shit, half assed shitpost, using the THX sound effect as a weapon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:38:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_failure/pseuds/The_failure
Summary: Sectopod + Sonic weapons = Bad idea.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Noscere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noscere/gifts).



> I don't even know why i wrote this.

ADVENT was always constantly researching new kinds of technology, be it weapons, armors, surveillance, recreational purposes, Chryssalid leashes. Yet a new idea sprung up one day.

Sound based warfare, or sonic weapons.

"Angelis."

"Yes, Daimones?"

"The Sectopod, our most valued and powerful artificial servant, with its powerful Wrath Cannon which destroys everything in its path. I believe we may have found an alternate _'non violent'_ type of weaponry to replace its main armament."

"Hmm, and what would this new modification be?"

"Sonic weapons, replacing the Wrath Cannon with a sound amplifier, it charges relatively quickly and produces a piercing shrill capable of _'pacifying'_ our opponents while producing minimal damage."

"This sounds promising, let us begin the modification of our warriors, XCOM will no longer be a threat."

"Good, project THX will begin immediately".   

_________________________

Sectopods were the bane of XCOM. Giant bipedal walkers that shook the earth with every steps, nigh impenetrable armor with weapons capable of easily cutting a man in half with a single burst. It didn't matter if you were right next to it or far away, it would either release waves of electricity or stand up and blast you with the dreaded Wrath Cannon, respectively.

Thus the mood of Menace 1-5 dropped a notch when they found one while they were in the middle of protecting a resistance device.

There was a Sectoid commander that managed to mind control a specialist, an Andromedon taking cover behind a (already exploded) car, a few ADVENT  troopers, a Muton elite which was being suppressed by Julian, the old AI who was moved into a SPARK unit, and lastly a Sectopod.

 The Sectopod stood up to its full size, took aim and opened its "chest" revealing a series of what appeared to be highly modified loudspeakers. The machine firmly anchored its feet into the ground and began charging its weapon, the loudspeakers producing a faint rumble at first.

The event caused both confusion in XCOM and ADVENT troops alike. a few troopers sharing quick glances, the Andromedon even peeking out of cover.

"The fuck is it doing?" asked Ja'rell, the team's Sharpshooter said out loud.

"I don't know, going to blast us with dubstep?" Michael Mason, the Grenadier replied sarcastically.

The Sectopod's rumbling gradually became louder. it seemed to agitate the Andromedon, who promptly dashed to the inside of the nearest building, actually opening the door and firmly locking it instead of simply breaking through the wall like a futuristic Kool-Aid Man.

And in a moment it clicked.

"OH SHIT! ITS USING THE THX SOUND EFFECT!" Michael yelled, his entire team (minus the mind controlled specialist) looked at him, baffled.

The rumbling instantly turned into a high pitched scream which blasted everything standing before the Sectopod. The earth shook, windows shattered, the Troopers and Mutons fell to the ground blocking their ears, the Sectoid commander's concentration was ruined, shattering the mind control. For XCOM the effects were the same, they fell down, weak and in pain. the SPARK didn't fare any better.

The Sectopod's blast finally ended as it stood down. The only one unharmed in the chaos it produced.

**Ja'rrel "Shadowfall" Prude is disoriented.**

**Michael "Magic Mike" Mason is disoriented.**

**Denise "Showtime" Sullivan is no longer mind controlled.**

**Denise "Showtime" Sullivan is disoriented.**

**Noah "Chamber" Windmuller is disoriented.**

**Ingrid "Cajun" Andersen is disoriented.**

**Julian "Johnny  5" is shutdown.**

**Muton Elite is disoriented.**

**Elite Trooper is disoriented.**

**Elite Stunlancer is disoriented.**

**Sectoid commander is disoriented.**

**Andromedon is disoriented.**

**Muton is disoriented.**

From the Avenger the Commander grumbled annoyingly. "Uh, Commander?" Bradford said, the Commander turned around, "What?" they said.

Bradford paused for a moment, then spoke. "I don't know if that Sectopod messed with our systems, but it looks like the avatar project's progress decreased by a point."

 

_The list of things ADVENT operatives are no longer allowed to do volume 1._

  1. _Due to the colossal side effects of the Sectopod's sound cannon, the weapon is no longer allowed to be deployed and must be replaced by the Wrath cannon. A smaller, more practical version will be handed out to troops._



_1 a). you may not replace the sound cannon's armament with the following sound files._

  1. _Loud_Nigra.mp3 (The civillians in that area are still recovering from the trauma.)_
  2. _Dolby.mp3_
  3. _John_cena.mp3_
  4. _WAAAGH!.mp3_
  5. _Ultramarine_chanting.mp3 (this is downright cruel.)*_
  6. _Dirge_of_Slaanesh.mp3_



**Author's Note:**

> *"Their constant, uninterrupted chanting is drilling into my skull as if they were the immensely sanctimonious lovechild of Tinnitus and a Jackhammer. The pain of a million ripped out nosehairs are but a tender massage compared to this inexpressible ultratorture" ~ The Emperor, if the emperor had a text-to-speech device.


End file.
